Six Things Single People Are Beyond Tired of Hearing

What single people really think when you say these common "encouragements."

I once watched an episode of Say Yes to the Dress where a 23-year-old bride-to-be declared, “I’m 23, so I’m getting married pretty young.” If I’d had anything in my hands, I might have tossed it in the air and shouted “OPA!” because, even though I’m not entirely sure what it means, it feels celebratory.

In my experience, no one in real life seems to think 23 is young to get married. Particularly within the Church, 23 often feels like the expected age to tie the knot—or perhaps even to have been married for a year or two already. Is this a Christian thing? An American thing? A universal thing? I’m not quite sure.

As I approach my 27th birthday still single, I’ve heard plenty of comments about my relationship status. These well-meaning remarks can be exhausting. Here’s what I really think about these common singleness "encouragements":

1. “BEING SINGLE IS A BLESSING. YOU CAN USE THIS TIME TO PREPARE YOURSELF FOR MARRIAGE.”

Yes, that’s true. Andy Stanley recently gave a message on this very topic. However, could you show me where in Scripture Jesus tells us our goal is to prepare for marriage? I recall Him instructing us to make disciples of all nations (Matthew 28:19) and to love God and our neighbors (Matthew 22:37-39). I don’t recall Him emphasizing the need to change, transform, polish, and refine ourselves solely for a future spouse. If you find that passage, let me know. I’ll wait here.

2. “YOU KNOW HE/SHE IS MARRIED, RIGHT?”

This usually follows a comment about someone being “nice” or “cool.” I appreciate the heads-up, but I said, “He seems nice,” not, “Do you think he’d want to spend the rest of his life with me?” Contrary to the imaginary sign on my forehead that reads, “I’m evaluating everyone as a potential spouse,” I’m not constantly considering marriage prospects. I see people as people, not just as potential partners.

3. “I’M PRAYING FOR A MAN/WOMAN TO COME INTO YOUR LIFE.”

I know that those who are married with children have experienced joys I haven’t, and they want the same for me. But maybe I don’t want a partner right now. Relationships don’t solve problems; they often create them. While relationships can be fulfilling, they also require work. Instead, pray for other areas of my life where I need Jesus’s help.

4. “AS SOON AS I DECIDED I WAS OK BEING SINGLE, MY HUSBAND/WIFE CAME ALONG!”

That’s wonderful. I love when God works that way. But He doesn’t always follow the same pattern. I’ve been “okay with being single” for about seven years. Men have come and gone, I’ve dated a few, but I haven’t married any. Please don’t present contentment as a magic formula for finding a spouse. Cultivating contentment is important for everyone, regardless of their relationship status.

5. “MY HUSBAND/WIFE AND I HAVE BEEN THINKING ABOUT WHO WE COULD SET YOU UP WITH.”

It’s encouraging to know people care about my life. However, maybe you could just spend time with me yourself instead of trying to find a stranger to date me. Often, I crave friendships more than romantic relationships.

6. “SOMEDAY YOU’LL MAKE SOMEONE VERY HAPPY.”

I appreciate your confidence in me. But what if I never get married? Maybe I’ll run an orphanage, a halfway house, a dorm, or a church. Will those people be lucky to have me? Will I make them happy? My goal is to serve this world, glorify God, and point people to Jesus—not just to make a spouse happy.

Do I want to make a man happy, raise kids, and have family portraits in our backyard? Absolutely. Some days I yearn for it more than others. But I also have many other aspirations involving my career, community, family, friendships, abilities, and character.

Let’s not focus on one aspect of life and pretend it’s the whole picture.